You didn’t expect to see a blog post about baby Jesus’ bathwater, did you? Well just like how the internet is full of strange people, so too is non-canonical Christianity. Did you hear about the internet personality who was selling her dirty water from her baths for $30 a jar and apparently made an absurd amount of money? I can’t even begin to wrap my head around that. She certainly wasn’t the first person to do this, and unfortunately is unlikely to be the last.
Did you know, though, that a non-canonical gospel called “The Arabic Gospel of the Infancy of the Savior” or the “Syriac Infancy Gospel” has a similar story? Believe it or not, Jesus’ bathwater is not only considered quite valuable, but even has restorative properties! While some non-canonical gospels are quite serious, others are full of stories and anecdotes that– at least to us modern readers– can be quite humorous. Want to learn more? Click below to continue reading!
Table of Contents
The Flights to Egypt
The Syriac Infancy Gospel is a relatively later gospel– certainly not composed in the first few centuries after the birth of Jesus. It starts with the birth of Jesus, but a few chapters in we make it to Herod’s decision to kill the baby Jesus. An angel of the Lord appears to Joseph in his sleep, telling him to take baby Jesus and Mary and flee to Egypt.
In the canonical gospels, the flight to Egypt only appears in Matthew and is relatively brief. Matthew’s account makes it mostly seem like the entire significance of the trip was fulfilling a prophecy of Jeremiah and staying away from Herod; nothing else of significance happens on the journey there, during their time in Egypt, or on the return trip. There is certainly no mention of dirty water from Jesus’ baths in the the canonical version.
There have several non-canonical gospels which have expanded upon this story, including the Gospel of Pseudo-Matthew. The Syriac Infancy Gospel, however, is definitely one that is chock full of creative flair!
Idolizing the Devil
As the family (Mary, Joseph, and the baby Jesus) journey into Egypt, they arrive at a large city in which one large idol is surrounded by other, smaller idols. This one large idol was, in fact, worshiped by the smaller idols and the Egyptian gods, and had a priest dedicated to serving it. Who was this idol to? Satan, of course, who spoke through the statue to the priest. It was the priest’s job to share the commands of Satan to the other idols and residents of the city.
The idol was stationed in a hospital, which Jesus’ family went to in order to rest and recover from their trip. The idol to Satan, however, grew agitated, so the priest and his team went to inquire what was going on. Satan said to the priest that the son of God, who is God indeed, has arrived. At this, the idol to Satan fell over, and everyone left being thoroughly freaked out.
Bath Time for Baby Jesus
In the story, the priest had a three-year-old son who was possessed by demons– and thus would make strange speeches, throw stones at people, and want to be naked all the time. Definitely not normal three-year-old behavior. The boy entered the hospital where Mary, Joseph, and the baby Jesus were resting from their trip.
Mary, being a good mother, had washed baby Jesus’ clothes and spread them out over some wood. The demon-possessed boy saw some of the clothes and, for whatever reason, put it on his head. The water from the bath began dripping down on the boy’s head, causing demons– in the shape of ravens and serpents– to flood out of the boy’s mouth.
So, not only did the baby Jesus’ presence destroy an idol to Satan, but his bathwater literally cured a demoniac!
Now, you thought this was going to be a short blog post, right? Well think again– there is more of baby Jesus’ bathwater to come!
Satan’s In the Bathwater
The gang left that city and continued their travels. They eventually found a very populous town in which a woman discovered the dangers of bathwater. See, this woman had went down to the river to bathe, but Satan took the form of a serpent and wrapped around her stomach, tormenting her with tremendous pain. Remember, folks: before you bathe, always look out to make sure that the devil isn’t hiding there!
This woman, however, saw Mary and baby Jesus, and asked if she could hold the child. Mary agreed and the woman held Jesus, giving him a kiss and snuggling for a bit. Satan not only let her go, but never bothered her again after that! Needless to say, she was thrilled, and gave some really fantastic gifts to the holy family.
Magically Healing– And Scented!
The woman who Jesus’ snuggles healed ended up bringing some nicely scented water. I don’t know what she used for the scent– feel free to offer your suggestions in the comments, below. At any rate, Mary let her give the baby a bath with it. When she was done, the woman used the dirty water from Jesus’ bath and poured some of it on a young woman with leprosy. Amazingly, the bathwater healed her terrible disease!
Everyone, including the young woman, was thrilled, and the young woman ended up tagging along with the gang for their continued travels. At the next city they came to, the young woman found the wife of a local prince. The wife was weeping, for she had given birth to a son with leprosy, and the prince said to either kill or banish the child.
Thankfully, the young woman was able to share the cure with the prince’s wife: the baby Jesus’ bathwater! The prince’s wife was thrilled and threw a tremendous banquet for the group. After the banquet, the prince’s wife bathed Jesus and used the dirty water to cure her son’s leprosy, uttering these words of praise:
Blessed is the mother who bore thee, O Jesus; dost thou so cleanse those who share the same nature with thee with the water in which thy body has been washed?
Similar incidents of healing, with the dirty water of the child Lord, occur throughout the story. In one instance, it’s not even water, but Jesus’ sweat which has the magical powers. Before washing it, Mary wrings the sweat out of Jesus’ shirt, causing balsam wood to spring from the ground.
The Moral of the Story
I’m personally having a tough time determining what to take away from this one. Let’s list a few potential options:
- Check your bath for Satan before cleansing. You never know what devil will be lurking in the tub!
- Metaphors don’t always work well across time. To people around the time this was written, the ideal of cleansing water wiping away impurity (like leprosy) may well have been an effective method of communicating about God. It’s okay. Sometimes, what made sense to people of yesteryear doesn’t make sense to people of today. Not everything can be modernized.
- There’s scriptural (if non-canonical) precedent for the value of dirty bathwater. maybe it’s a good thing to sell it? Who knows, if you’re sufficiently holy, perhaps your dirty water will be sufficient to heal someone’s illness?
What do you think? Does this motivate you to think differently about your baths?